as id expect from existing in the home video world for roughly 36 hours The Agent aka Contour is available online for viewing, or 60 minutes of it anyway
http://www.watchfreemovies.ch/watch-movies/2011/watch-the-agent-99220710/
if you clicked that link, then you should feel bad and buy the dvd, just sayin
my starring part in Contour aka The Agent is chronicled in this 55-minute making of that was once only available on the dvd but now you can enjoy it free gratis
check out what our distributor Indican has done with my film Contour
shit – i never wanted anyone to know i was in the cia – but there you have it
The Agent gets released on May 15
im not one to post videos that dont promote Law’s Tours directly…
but these guys claim to have made the Contour-killer with their new film Death Grip - so lets see what the trailer has in store…
… i might need to brush up on my skills a bit
years back when i was regularly breaking into classrooms to meet women i stumbled into a film class – and the teacher asked “who thinks cheap digital cinema is a good thing?”
all raised their hands except me – so i diagrammed a future video store stocked with bad digital movies … bad in the sense that they werent movies but just montages of video clips with no noteworthy story to tie it all together – and after years of this subjection audiences would be convinced that this is cinema – and everything else before it was fascist undemocratic filth
after playing nostradamus for too long i took heat from the preacher for being closed minded etc. – for denying the value of an innately good thing – and i ducked out of this class – unlaid – though there was always womens studies across the hall
now we have theatrical films like project x – a youtube party film that should be two minutes long and will give millions of boners to fifteen year old boys everywhere
the same people who applauded the influx of cheap digital cinema are now up in arms about how crass it is and how much money it will make
of course – their problem isnt with the technology itself – or the ideology of “innate goodness” that starts in the cathedral of the classroom – but the fact that the technology gets into the wrong hands and people are stupid enough to watch it
how to fix this?
“more education” they say
this is the story of the 20th century ladies and gentlemen
if the government wont censor star wars and turn han solo into a pussy then by god george lucas will do it himself
thats right the stupid president everyone voted for except me — since i cant vote due to felony laws dont vote for personal reasons — is backing more legislation that will make it harder for people to see my film Contour illegally, effectively cutting my fanbase down from tens of millions to roughly 278.5 — (that last fan is a veteran)
The provisions of ACTA grant copyright holders direct powers to demand that ISPs remove material from the Internet, without the requirement of a court order, and permit foreign influence over ISPs in the United States.
great, last thing we need is some assholes in another country telling us what to do, i thought it was supposed to be the other way around
case in point, dont vote because youll fuck everything up
“haywire” is in theaters where gina carano kicks some dudes really hard and looks pretty doing it
its supposed to take mixed martial arts, whatever that is now, to the big screen and put it in story form
but whoever was behind the rest of it didnt know what the hell to do with this woman when she wasn’t swinging her tree trunks around like paul bunyan fending off horny ‘ol “babe” after a long night of campfire cuddling
the story is this — some writer decides to script a kick-ass woman with her character trait being “no character trait”… because obviously just being a woman who can fight is enough character for this guy, and mma chick carano enters the world of acting with nothing but some lines about her secret past and a few scripted eye movements
obviously the assholes who piss on her because she licks her lips too much have never been tasked with heading a 25 million dollar film, given a script that says shit-all about who this woman is except “cold snatch” and a director who thinks retarded girl-power is enough fuel to power a film for 90 minutes, so please shut up and buy her some lip balm and blame the source
but farty liberal critics — 80 percent of them — are happy to see the retarded girl-power fuel pellets burning at full capacity, keeping the church of political correctness slightly warmer than ass-cold, except last i checked the internet kiosk at the greyhound station the audiences were giving this action rag a 44 percent rating
– the polygon soldiers of p.c. who are paid near-six-figure salaries to watch this yogurt give it an 80%
– the chauvinist jocks who would gladly pay $30 to watch fifteen minutes of gina carano on live tv give it a 44%
which do you trust? and which would you try to cater to next time?
handing a female protagonist an entire film and tossing her character (figuratively) out the window even goes against my grain, because if im forced to listen to this woman rattle on for 90 minutes it better be at least mildly entertaining because theres not enough whiskey in the bottle to make me sit through this conversation again
i hope the action team can show their colors better next time because they did what they could, but theres only so much you can do with material like this
fuck em, because if the contour torrent disappears, I lose 97% of my audience
but i guess if you find the torrent youre supposed to be a good samaritan and report it so it gets taken down or something
if you do that, understand that you just cost Law upwards of 500 viewers
x $12 per dvd thats $6,000, which is the entire budget for contour
thanks a bunch you dicks for first taking away my audience and then reminding me of how little money i have
i like you, and even though it hurts, im gonna show you how to screw me out of my rightful money
here are three easy steps!
1. don’t buy contour for twelve bucks from the store that feeds me, buy it for three bucks on amazon or ebay
2. get it from netflix at www.netflix.com/Movie/Contour/70087189
3. spoil it by just watching some of the fights on youtube here here and here because thats what youre gonna do anyway
there, i give you everything just so i can get another viewer, happy?
i dont need money, i have lots of wealth hidden away, in the form of wisdom
